After touring with Lily Allen, show-stopping with Dizzee Rascal and having less than two weeks to deliver his debut album to label home, Virgin, it only seemed fair we should throw a spanner in his schedule and whisk east Londoner, Professor Green off on Ctrl.Alt.Shift's verbal assault course...

Before getting into the juicer stuff Pro Green fills me with envy with talks of touring with the ‘Smile’ star, Lily Allen, informing me that despite what the tabloids say about her, Allen is in fact "a wicked girl, who does things for the right reasons and sticks to her word.”

“The fans were really responsive to my music especially cause I was coming out in the middle of Lily’s sets to perform ‘Hard Night Out’ and we performed a cover of ‘Don't Be Good To Me’, which is a track we've done together for my album". The rapper says. "I'm not sure she (Lily) realises how much she's done for me, she truly is an amazing girl".

Tempted to get a violin out, it was definitely time to throw Green to the wolves…

What’s your favourite holiday destination?
Anywhere I haven't been, I'm still discovering new places.

Out of all the places you have been, where did you witness the most absurd and poverty ridden situations?
It would be between the Bahamas and South Africa. People with nothing; no running water, no electricity, and a lack of food supplies. I went to the Shanty towns too, I saw the reality of it.

Does it make you appreciate what you've got that little bit more?
Yeah 100%, it's disgusting looking at how we live and seeing that there's people living like that.

If you had to move to a foreign country, which country would it be and why?
I love London a bit too much to answer that question. I know the weathers bad and the people are unhappy but it doesn't matter what amazing places I go to, I'll be loving it and then after a week I'll just want to get back home.

How would you live on a pound a day (the majority of the world does live on under £1 a day)?
With great difficulty, there's nothing in particular I think I'd buy, it would be a survival thing, completely, whatever I can get my hands on I'll try and survive on.

Which country would you like to invade and why?
Anywhere in which poverty exists really. I'd invade it for the greater good. Maybe America, kick all the arse holes out of power and try and do something constructive.

If you could be any politician, dictator or world leader, who would you have been and why?
I don't think I'd want that on my shoulders. I mean we can talk about world leaders but how much does that one person actually have a say in what’s going on? The only thing I promote personally is people being smart enough to make their own decisions for themselves. I wouldn't want to take on a role that’s such a great burden.

Worst form of torture you can imagine?
Japanese water torture.

Jammer said that too, you rappers are really scared of water right?
[Laughs] I hate monotony - get it over and done with quickly.

How do you envisage your funeral?
I don't really think about it. Since I got stabbed last year I've just been putting in so much work and keeping busy and enjoying life, enjoying what I do, not thinking about the negative stuff and things like that.

So no special requests then?
Nah, I'm more focused on making the best out of my life now, cause after that, there ain't really that much going on for me.

What would make you start a war?
I think it would be a violation of my freedom. Anything that infringes my human rights, I think there's a lot that infringes human rights but if you tried to dictate what I do, day in day out, and I had no free will or freedom that would definitely be something which would affect me.

Would you rather shoot a kid or let off a nuclear bomb in central London?
Neither, but if I had that choice the kid would have to get it. If it's one life or the lives of everyone in that city then I'm going with one life. Horrible decision to make and I hope I never have to make it. I'd rather shoot myself.

Shooting yourself is not an option, but congratulations you've just killed a kid...
Thank you.

Last film that made you do a little wee in your pants?
Definitely The Hangover. [Laughs] It's a comedy. I don't normally watch films more than once but I think I've seen that about seven times now and I still end up in stitches of laugher during most of the scenes.

Lucky Dip, Samurai sword, AK-47...?
Samurai; there's more class. And AK-47 is a bit brutal.

Most bizarre food you've ever eaten?
I'm not really fussy with food. But I haven't eaten anything that adventurous. 

So when you were on tour in Australia you didn't eat any crocodile legs?
Nah, when I was in South Africa I ate snails and stuff, which was quite weird but it was nice. With garlic butter and bread [laughs], I wouldn't eat insects, but I'm pretty cool with trying new things.

Last person who saw you naked?
Erm… Wow. My ex-girlfriend.

And the last person you saw naked?
My ex-girlfriend. I wish there were funnier answers to that, if you would have asked me when I got back from Australia then the answers would have been so different.

Okay, give me an Australia answer then.
[Laughs], I'd better not, [Laughs] lets keep it moving.

Spoil sport. Three things you're listening to other that yourself?
Rinse, the artist, he saved my life when I got stabbed, he's a wicked friend and a massive artist. Fink, the artist, and ‘Heartbeat’ by Nneka, the Chase and Status remix but the original version is great as well.

Describe east London in one word?
Home.

What song did you use to dance to when you jumped on your mum’s bed as a child?
Can I remix that? I grew up with my nan and she always used to play Kylie Monigue and Jason Donovan records. They used to make me run and hide under the bed [laughs].

No Kylie collaborations in the future then?
I think not. I saw her at the Brits actually, but yeah she tormented me throughout my childhood, it wasn't a happy time.

Tell the truth, if she hollered at you for a collab you'd do it right?
Well she's come a long way since the Jason Donovan tunes so yeah actually [Laughs] I probably would.

Words: Sian Anderson

Photo: Flickr user Josh MG

Catch Professor Green at the Macbeth, Hoxton, for the Green Party on April 8, supported by Rinse (emcee) and also starring CAS editor Chantelle Fiddy on the decks.

Virgin Records have put together an iTunes LP package for the single release of 'I Need You Tonight' (out on April 12) retailing at £1.99. Please click here to pre-order.