Ctrl Meets Whitney Iles, Co-Founder of 'No Sex Without Love'

Here at Ctrl.Alt.Shift we’ve heard a buzz around an organisation named ‘No Sex Without Love’… so we sent our trustee CAS writer Miss Fadah Jassem to investigate further...

Fads met with Whitney Iles, 23 year old sensation, community activist and co-founder of the organisation which aims at empowering, educating and helping to connect young women all across the world. With their no-beating-around-the-bush attitude, the initiative aims to tackle women’s issues head on.

So Whitney, can you explain what ‘No Sex Without Love’ is and what you do?

It’s about the education and empowerment of young women; giving them the space to grow and finding out who they are for themselves without pressures from society. So we give them the open creative space to discuss different things around sexual health, relationships, boys… anything that’s going on in their daily lives that might not normally be discussed as openly. We use different activities and workshops to help build self-confidence and self-respect. The goal is helping young women achieve self-love. So ‘No Sex Without Love’ doesn’t mean we’re against men or having sex, it’s about knowing and loving yourself for yourself first, before you go out into the world trying to find love elsewhere. The organisation was born out of a lot of young women discussing their sexual behavior. It wasn’t so much their promiscuity that we had a problem with, it was the lack of self-love and longing for unconditional love behind it.

"'No Sex Without Love’ doesn’t mean we’re against men or having sex, it’s about knowing and lovingyourself for yourself first, before you go out into the world trying to find love elsewhere"

What is the ultimate goal of 'No Sex Without Love'?

There is no ultimate goal, there are always going to be issues women deal with on a day-to-day basis, and these issues will change over time. But what we’re hoping to achieve is to create a platform where women can feel safe to speak, a place where their issues count. Whether it’s on a community basis or whether we need to take it globally, we want to make sure that through our organisation all the women that are suffering throughout the world who don’t have a voice know that they can come to us and they'll be heard. We can then use that group voice to make a difference globally.

What is the target age group you work with?

At the moment we’re concentrating on 11-25 year olds. And we also work with young men; for example we run workshops for young fathers.

What’s been your greatest achievement with ‘No Sex Without Love’ so far?

It was last weekend, being able to sit down and watch one of the sexual health workshops run by the first group of young people trained on our scheme, who where now training the younger group. I knew that I didn’t have to stand there and run the workshop, I could just sit behind the scenes and monitor what was going on, for me that was an amazing experience. To me, that’s success, measurable success, teaching the young people to teach others.

How do you think women in the UK and from developing countries differ in their struggles? And how do you think ‘No Sex Without Love’ can reach out to those women experiencing a different struggle?

What we really look at works on two different levels. We work on sisterhood; it’s about the older girls being role models for the younger girls. We also aim to encourage self belief and individual self-truth. Within their truth, a lot of women hold pain that they don’t speak about. This may be domestic violence, sexual or physical abuse, or even issues that society overlooks, like an emphasis on appearance. ‘No Sex Without Love’ is saying we see that pain and we understand it, so let’s come together and do something that’s bigger than us as individuals.

What issues do you believe concern women in developing countries?

Well firstly, a lot of sexual abuse; especially the raping of younger women. Rape is easily carried out in certain contexts, because women’s voices are often ignored… So there are a lot of people getting away with it. I’ve been to many developing countries and we’ve done a lot of youth exchanges; the message I continually hear is ‘we’re not being protected’. There is a fundamental lack of protection for many women growing up in poverty or in very patriarchal societies. As a female, I can’t sit there and let that happen. Having the knowledge of it means I need to take responsibility.

I think rape is still very taboo in this society; everyone cringes about it and are horrified by it. So when we’re not speaking about it over here, we’re more likely to let it happen in developing countries. We may preach about poverty and human rights, but there are very basic things that can be done to protect young women (and men) in the developing world. The first thing to do is to start speaking out about it; to get the knowledge across.

One last question I'd like to end with. If you could run the world for a day and change one thing about it, what would it be?

If I could change one thing, I would put dinner tables in everyone’s house and make them eat together. I think a lot of what we’re seeing, especially with young people, is a breakdown of communication between the older and younger generation. Something as simple as having meals together without a TV or radio on could be very effective. I’ve been working with young people for over eight years, and one of the most powerful things is simply getting older and younger people round a big table to eat together. It builds bonds and friendships. I think if a lot more people ate together there’d be a lot less drama going on.

Words: Fadah Jassem

Photo: No Sex Without Love

For more info, visit the No Sex Without Love website here [1]

To read our Gender + Power magazine issue, click here. [2]