Feature: A Question of Port VS MPHO

Can MPHO [1] survive the mission and live a life of poverty, disease and war? The reward? A bottle of port from our local corner shop...
 

What's your favourite holiday destination?
MPHO: It's got to be Tobago [2].

What's the most absurd and poverty-ridden situation you've witnessed in Tobago?
Seeing people who are really poor trying to sell stuff on the beach, but not being allowed onto certain parts of the beach because of big corporate hotels. 

If you had to move to a foreign country, which country would it be and why?
America really, to further my career, that would be the most practical move for me right now.

How would you live on a pound a day? (The majority of the world lives on under £1 a day.) 
With great difficulty.

What would you buy with that pound?
Food.

Which country would you like to invade and why?
[Laughs] Erm... America.

This is like Mistajam part two; I thought you wanted to live there?
I know, I know. I just think that they need to know what it feels like.

If you could be any politician, dictator, or world leader who would you be and why?
That's a really difficult question to answer. Any dictator? Ever? Gosh, I think I'd be Obama [3], ‘cause right now he needs to make some very, very serious decisions.

Worse form of torture you can imagine?
Oh wow. On a serious note?

Yeah...
I'm a mum, so it'd probably be putting me through something where I would have to watch my children suffer.

How do you in-vision your funeral?
I try not to on a daily basis. But erm [laughs], my funeral, I don't know how to answer that ‘cause I've never thought about it. I just know I want to be cremated I don't want to be buried.

What would make you start a war?
[Laughs] Screw faced girls.

Really?
[Laughs] No, I don't believe in war, but that’s a really difficult question to answer ‘cause sometimes I think when you do believe in things enough and that those things are… OK, look sorry, I'm confused!

What?
Let me answer this question and I'll come back to the confusion… When you believe in things enough and those things are jeopardised, then you have to fight for them, don't you? I think war is a degree of fighting that you might end up having to be part of. I've never had to end up in that situation, but I can see how people do.

Why are you confused?
Cause you're asking me these quick fire questions, but it's not like, “Who do you prefer, Amy Winehouse [4] or Lily Allen [5]?" They're actually deep questions.

I see, well on that note. If I gave you the choice now, shoot a kid or let off a nuclear bomb in central London, which would you chose?
Oh shit - excuse my French. You're not being serious?

I am, you have to pick one, there's no other option...
Kill me.

That's not an option...
Yes it is. [Laughs]

Last film that made you wee a little in your pants?
[Laughs] That's never happened to me... I watched something recently that made me die (of laughter) but I wasn't laughing so hard that I could wet myself.

Lucky Dip, Samurai sword or AK-47?
Again, I have to choose one?

Yup...
Samurai sword.

Why?
‘Cause I think there is a degree of discipline required to use a Samurai sword, in order for it to actually have any benefit, which means that psychologically you're in a different place, where as with a gun, it doesn't matter.

Most bizarre food you've ever eaten?
Mopani worms [6]…

Huh?
They're worms, in South Africa, they're like a delicacy. They fry them and they're crispy. They're a little bit like Wotsits. [Laughs]

Last person who saw you naked?
My husband.

Three things you're listening to other than yourself?
I'm listening to a lot of Lauryn Hill [7]right now, Mr Hudson [8], and I'm really into the Kings Of Leon [9] album. I know it's late and everyone’s been listening to it for a year but I haven't. I'm kind of late on the hype. The more something gets hyped, the more I'd put it aside for a later date.

Would you like someone to do that to you? Put your CD aside until the MPHO hype dies down?
NO! Don’t do that!

Sum up South London in one word?
[Silence] HELP! [Laughs] No, that's not the one word, wait... eclectic.

When you where a kid, and you used to jump on your mums bed, what tune do you remember dancing too?
On my mum’s bed? Before or after the licks? [Laughs] Chaka Khan, ‘I Feel For You’.

MPHO's [1] single ‘Box N Locks’ [10]is out now. Her debut album and single ‘See Me Now’ [11]will be in stores early next year (2010). Expect great things.