Scientific experts will tell you that the earthquake that hit Haiti on the 12th January, measuring a magnitude of 7.0, was caused by tectonic forces along a seismic fault line that runs through the island of Hispaniola which Haiti shares with the Dominican Republic.

But Pat Robertson, the Christian televangelist, has a different explanation. He believes the fault is not in the ground; it’s in the Haitians.

The theory goes that Haiti is a nation built on a pact with the devil. This traces back to an apocryphal tale of Haitian voodoo priests sacrificing a pig and drinking its blood in 1791 in order to secure Satan's aid in expelling the French occupation. In return, the priests are said to have promised Haiti to Satan for the next 200 years. The French were soon beat back, and, in 1804, Haiti became an independent nation. But even if you believe the story (something many historians doubt), Satan's lease on the tiny island nation should have expired in 1991.

I was pleased to see that the Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, hopefully putting him back in place:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

Picture from here