Having just secured a deal with his group over at Virgin records we decided to find out how errrr deep the Roll Deep member J2K actually is. Sian Anderson places him on the Ctrl.Alt.Shift verbal assault course... The prize for survival? A bottle of Port from our local corner shop.

 

What's your favourite holiday destination?
Miami.

 

What's the most absurd and poverty-ridden situation you've witnessed in Miami?
[Laughs] probably bombs sitting next to the Versace house. [Uncontrollable laugher] If you've been Miami you'd know, that where Versace lives is on South Beach init, so obviously you can just see his house, normal.

 

How would you live on a pound a day? (The majority of the world do live on under £1 a day)
I'd spend it on Sams.

 

Sams?
Yeah, Sams...

 

The chicken shop?
Yeah [laughs] I'm going to need to eat aren't I?

 

Sam isn't going to serve you if you stink. What about deodorant, toothpaste?

What? If you've got a pound you've got to eat, you're not going to wake up and think, "You know what where's my Colgate." I'm buying chicken...bruv.

 

Which country would you like to invade and why?
[Silence] I dunno. Dubai maybe... And take some oil or something. Make my own oil rigs.

 

If you could be any politician, dictator or world leader, who would you have been and why?
Barack Obama obviously. I'd like to be him, why not?

 

So if you were Obama right now, what would you do?
I'd just free up the world. Cause obviously there's money to do that, but they're acting like their ain't.

 

Worse form of torture you can imagine?
Just pulling out teeth: fingernail pulling and teeth pulling man. That'd be a par! 

 

How do you envisage your funeral?
[Laughs] Erm, I would have a jamboree thing.

 

A what?
Wow, you don't know what a jamboree is? It's like a festival, like a party! You know?

 

Erm, no I don't know. Google defines jamboree as a gay festival so I'll take your word for it.
It's a party! I can't believe you've never heard that word before. It's a real word. It's not your fault, education failed you.

 

Thanks.
I don't want a sad day to happen when I'm dead. I want some strobe lights.

 

So basically, every fan of yours with epilepsy may as well stay at home on the day you cop it?
Just close your eyes. I want my fans to be there. I want to be buried though so that the worms can eat me up and then travel me all around the country bruv. Get me? [Laughs]

 

That's positively disgusting.
Yeah I'd be everywhere mate...

 

That's the reason why it's disgusting.
[Laughs]

 

What would make you start a war?
Someone disrespecting. Touching my family. You know, any form of disrespect that's uncalled for.

 

Would you rather shoot a kid or let off a nuclear bomb in central London?
I'd shoot the kid. No question.

 

Wow, you wasted no time in answering that.
Yeah, but it's for the greater good init!

 

Is it?
Of course it is. Kill everyone or kill a kid? You gotta be a martyr man you've got to sacrifice. That's what it is. I'm not going to like it, but I'd get bare ratings after that. [Laughs] - I'm joking. 

 

Last film that made you do a little wee in your pants?
Nothing makes me wee wee in my pants. I liked, erm, I can't remember the name but it was about some little boy who had to look after some kids. It's a film, with two breddas (guys), who sell energy drink, but they get in trouble with the police, then they have to either go to jail for a little while or they have to look after some kids on some programme thing?

 

Erm, nah...
Argh I dunno then. 

 

Lucky Dip, Samurai sword, AK-47
AK-47.

 

What does that do?
Shoots the f*** out of people. [Laughs]

 

Why's it better for you than the Samurai sword?
Cause you don't have to get close enough to me. I could just get you from a distance.

 

Scaredy cat.
Nah, but it's just easier, more manageable, it's just convenient. With a sword you're just swinging and swinging, you might miss one or two, but with a gun you can just spray down the place.

 

It's amazing how you didn't even ask what I was giving you a choice for...
Yeah, cause it's weapons, nothing good ever comes out of weapons so there was no point in me even asking.

 

Most bizarre food you've ever eaten?
You see me I'm boring! I'd eat the same meal for the rest of my life and cause I like that one meal; I will just eat that everyday. I'm boring I don't get outlandish.

 

So it's just you and Sams all the way yeah?
[Laughs] yeah man. Nah not Sams but prawns or scampi is probably as bizarre as it gets.

 

Last person who saw you naked?
Myself, in the mirror.

 

Three things you're listening to other that yourself?
Everyone who's out right now, but I mainly just listen to instrumentals: Rude Kid, Insomniac and Kid D.

 

Describe east London in one word?
Grimey.

 

What song did you use to dance to as a kid when you jumped on your mums bed?
Reggae. Something like Janet Kay and them revival songs. Dennis Brown, Gregory Isaacs.

 

 

The Wake Up Ep is out now; the Alliance mixtape is out soon (Young Kai, Vortex, J2K) Roll Deeps Single (Good Times) out now and look out for J2K’s new EP which will be out before 2010!

 

Follow J2K on Twitter here: twitter.com/j2klive and receive regular updates.

 

As for the port... epic fail!