Where was Hamid Karzai, president of Afghanistan, when Jacqui Smith needed him? Ms. Smith works long hours supervising police brutality, leaked memos, dodgy arrests and Gordon Brown's ego, and clearly this leaves her husband very frustrated. He is left at home, alone, with nothing but a second-hand expense account and his own restless right hand. He's in the mood, he's lonely. Two £5 'adult' movies later, Smith is in a sticky mess all because her husband wanted a little loving. With a simple piece of Shia legislation that legalises marital rape, could Jacqui's Porngate dilemma have been averted? Is this the kind of Shia law the archbishop of Canterbury believes should be integrated into common law?

So - marital rape. Pros - Jacqui can still be hunched over her desk working away while her husband vents his sexual frustration Shia style. Not the prettiest of images, but pragmatic. Sadly for all those pro-rapists out there - are there any? - you will have to travel to Afghanistan, convert to Shia Islam and marry before you can demand sex from your wife every fourth day.

Mr Karzai's legislation was announced over two weeks ago, a law "passed with unprecedented speed and limited debate", according to The Guardian. Activists were unable to gain a copy of the law, but the UN declared that it legalised rape within marriage and allowed Shia husbands to deny their wives the right to visit a doctor, seek work or go to school. Considering that over 50% of Afghan brides are under 16, the last point would be problematic if the wives lived in the UK. It's not such an issue in Afghanistan, where less than 10% of girls go to school. No annoying "Why was your wife not in school today?" phone calls from the head teacher.

Unfortunately for Karzai, his 'vote winner' back fired on the global political scene. US Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton (whose had man troubles of her own) stated it was "an area of absolute concern for the United States", Barack Obama called the law "abhorrent", and Iceland, Finland and Norway all criticised the lack of rights for Afghan women. Does Karzai really want to piss off the Nordic Countries? One word: Vikings. Less frightening than Vikings but still brimming with anger, the women of Afghanistan also expressed their 'concern'; last week 200 female protesters marched to a mosque in Kabul to criticise the law. "Worse than the Taliban" was the common opinion.

However, the protesters discovered that Karzai may be smarter than his law suggests. A counter-protest of almost equal size clashed with the female protesters; some women were spat on, others were hit with stones. A peaceful women's pro-law rally also took place, with 300 women attending from the Khatam-ul-Naibieen Shia University, shouting the same chants as the anti-law rally - "We want honour and dignity for women".

The words "honour and dignity" hold some very strange ideas for Mr Karzai and his supporters Ayatollah Mohamad Asif Mohseni and Ustad Mohammad Akbari. "A man and wife can negotiate how often it is reasonable to sleep together, based on his sex drive, and a woman has a right to refuse if she has a good reason," Mohseni said. Leader of one of Afghanistan's political parties, Akbari declared: "Men and women have equal rights under Islam." This all seems honourable and dignified. Then it gets a bit strange: "But there are differences in the way men and women are created. Men are stronger and women are a little bit weaker; even in the West you do not see women working as fire-fighters" - a comment from Akbari, made all the more stupid by being quoted in an issue of The Guardian that also reported the introduction of Hijab fire-fighter uniforms.
 
Mohseni's comment continued: "If a woman says no, the man has the right not to feed her." A student follower of Mohseni supported the new law's demand that women can only leave the house with good reason - "If she's a housewife, where is she going to go? Why does she need to go out?" Maybe to get a bite to eat? And do you hear that? That's petty-mindedness given my previous comment about honour and dignity.

Still, this law could be one way for Jacqui to lose some weight over. Thinking even more pragmatically, imagine all those Shia, horny, frustrated husband votes Labour could win. Imagine all those political scandals that might have been avoided: no stain on Monica Lewinski's dress, no marriages ruined by David Blunkett, no Two Shags moniker for John Prescott, no Profumo affair and no Porngate. Maybe Karzai's a political genius. Then again, maybe, just maybe, if he was starved until he agreed to have sex with a burly, horny Afghan man, he'd doubt his own wisdom.