Time was, all Madonna had to do to court controversy was squeeze her norks into a glittery double-cornetto bra, pout alluringly at the camera and make a glorified porno film. Agreed, she’s not bad for her age, but at 50 the Queen of Pop has realised that there’s only so long the Ad Man’s favourite phrase ‘Sex Sells’ is going to work for her. Truth is, she hasn’t gotten where she is today without rolling with the times. Haven’t you heard darling?, eroticism and female empowerment are so very over. Oh yes, these days it’s all about having a ‘Conscience’. Ethics are the new black. Fairtrade is favoured over Facebook. Enviro-Friendly is how we all get down. I go, you go, we all go, Eco-Tesco!

So Madge wants to adopt a second baby from Malawi, a country that ranks 164 on the Human Development Index (HDI) A scale that measures poverty from 1 (nothing to see re: hardship here in Iceland, thanks very much) to 177 (Sierra Leone – NEWS JUST IN! – not a premier Holidayee, Celebrate! location).

What better way of showing the world how much ‘you really care about important things, man’ than plucking a nipper from a country with around 1 million orphans, half of whom are without at least one parent because of AIDs. Disgustingly wealthy Megastar makes good. Madonna – (former) ‘Tart with a Heart’. If Angelina can do it…

So why the massive furore surrounding this adoption? Well, does the Malawian government want their nation to be famous for being ‘the place babies have to be rescued from by ‘over-the-hill- former- Material-Girl-gym bunnies’?

Save the Children are saying that international adoption should be reserved for kids who have no family remaining in their own community. If every child were to be snatched from the bosom of their loved ones just because of poverty, wouldn’t that lead to generations of young-uns losing touch with their natural heritage and culture?

Another problem is that families in under-developed countries might be more inclined to dump their kid at the nearest orphanage with hopes of an organic-fed, diamond encrusted future for their progeny. Not ideal for the already under funded authorities.

Ultimately, this whole thing doesn’t sit well with the cynics of this world because we see an attention-hungry Prima Donna making an exhibition of herself in a bid to be Alpha Martyr. Cut to ten years time when Madders goes back to Malawi for a benefit concert and enlists her (by then) numerous adoptees in a mawkish rendition of ‘this used to be my playground, this used to be my childhood dre-eam’… cue Wacko Jacko Earth Song debacle all over again.

Is there a way of helping large numbers of the world’s most deprived people benefit from the handouts of the privileged elite, or is Mercy reserved for cute infants born under a lucky star? Answers on a postcard… Words: Nathalie Tidman